announcement. I KNOW you care.
I am sick of all the cooli people on live journal and blurty and diaryland and all that getting to title their entries and put what music they are listening to.
And I think that would be fun.
SO, and since i KNOW you care, i'm putting what i'm listening to and a title on every entry from now on.
oooookay.
:-) happy birthday to my mom= pizza and b&j icecream!
yeaaaaaaah.
~~Always~-*Teresa*
;-D
T G I F
that is the absolute description of today
so i was up till like 12:30 doing Odyssey bullets, i almost fell asleep right there on the floor next to the papers...
finally got some sleep, and then...
math~ 100 on my test! :-D I know that you realllly don't care, but I am so happy. I have been working my ass off in that class all year and still making 80s on all the tests. I mean, before this, my highest test grade was a 93, and that was the very first, EASIEST test of all. I still came out with a 91.8 on the mt, but i can bring it up if i study for the quiz next class. which i will do. :-\
english~ easy day. grammar, demos, got an A on sat19...i think anliker was really ready for the weekend. But she's so good at making the class interesting, even when i feel like crap. i'm saying.
spanish~ another freaking quest...banerjee's usual retarded warm-up...but i think i did good (no, ian, not "well"...) on the quest...AND i thought i was gonna make like an 87 or something on mt, but i made a 93 :-) i have been saved from eternal grounding. :-)
lunch~ laur and i had a nice long talk'n'walk around the quad...first it was a serious discussion, and then it was just a great big funfest.
debate~ just chilled with arun and ian and josh and addison and rich and jen and nora and all them. mostly fun...except for i was an idiot and let ian put eyeshadow on me and next thing i know i look like a cross between a wrestler with a black eye and a hooker. joy. lol.
after school-> dd and i had a bad moment at sci oly but then we went home (hers) and chilled upstairs, and she had tagalongs and hershey's hugs...and it was great. I just have this feeling of security when I'm there that's like nowhere else. Now we're on a really good vibe. Which is nice.
Tomorrow is Sci Oly. Managing= the easiest 100 i ever made in bio. hah. Despite the fact that I have to be at freaking MP at 6:30 on a freaking SATURDAY....
Overall, its been a good week. A lot of ups and downs and confusing shit, but interesting things have happened in my little life and i'm feeling like it's all gonna turn out happifully.
But I SURE am glad it's the weekend.
:-)
Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt
It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true ~ "Sympathy", Goo Goo Dolls
i am falling in love with this song
~~Always~-*Teresa*
;-D
so.
once again, i am freakishly happy.
i said it once and i'll say it again:
i. am. so. happy i freak my freaking self out
so. today.
drama:chose my monologue, wrote the character analysis questions, focus circle :-) yay. doing character analysis questions for myself was kind of weird...but also kind of cool. self discovery. whatever.
ff: demo speeches. i liked the tap dancing :-)
bio: horowitz is a bitch. duh. pretty okay tho, a freaking COUNTING lab and some other bs i didn't pay attn to...
elp: got our tests back. 92. i'm happy, but the rents...well, they cant find out. lol.
after school: went to envirothon with mary and josh. good stuff.
worked out~ it was great.
ate a salad at the snack bar
like i said, i'm feeling GREAT
odyssey bullets, grammar, and bed
~~Always~-*Teresa*
;-D
so i hear that power is still out at mp...
so if it's not back tomorrow morning, what do we do?
i can't wait to find out
i love things like that
when something goes wrong...just wrong enough to irritate people like anliker
but not so wrong that it really is upsetting
like the bomb threat at mgd last year
or when a fire drill lasts like three hours instead of three minutes
or lockdowns for no reason
life's exciting
whatever happens, i'll be glad for the shake-up
tomorrow i get to go the Y
and i'm going to bed
sweet dreams
~~Always~-*Teresa*
;-D
And I wished for things that I don't need
(All I wanted)
And what I chased won't set me free
(All I wanted)
And I get scared but I'm not crawlin' on my knees
~"Sympathy", Goo Goo Dolls
again
INCREDIBLY positive
i. am. so. happy.
i'm like scaring myself :-D
all these things are going wrong, and upsetting me, but at the same time, i'm optimistic, and there's this huge overtone of...awesomeness to it all.
today: math test, i actually think i did really well, but who knows. last time i thought i did really well, i got like an 80. :-\
english: demo speeches. yay for baklava and lots of funny stuff, and for not grading the grammar CRAP
spanish: banerjee is most definitely a bitch. ugh i hate that woman. we played the most RETARDED charades game too
debate: ...blah. talked about NFL pts, i got 25 at prov! yay me! the pwr went out, it really DID freak me out. i was listening to jewel and all of a sudden the lights flash...just a lil freaky. hah. i thought it was josh messing with the lights. whatever.
afterschool: went to wendys with dd :-) then we went to prov bap and played basketball, just messing around and shooting while her mom worked out.
then piano class, the usual...we picked chad up from soccer practice and he was SO muddy it was SO nasty and then my mom gets in a bad mood and starts yelling at me for listening to my walkman too much and i'm like what the hell, he's dirty, so i'm in trouble? Ummmm no.
then my last CCD class ever. wow. weird. we watched the weirdest video about rap lyrics that condone (SAT!) drugs, etc. it was so funny cuz they had this old guy with a monotone voice doing the rap voiceovers and bleeping out the curses. lol
...and leave it all behind
Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?...
So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down
Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason"
Is no reason not to ask myself
If I am living it right ~John Mayer, "Why Georgia Why"
as dd said...the kind of song you listen to for hours and hours and it just never gets old.
plus, he's DEAD SEXY.
:-)
~~Always~-*Teresa*
;-D
today was a great day
we watched a play about abusive relationships in drama, it was interesting/cool but also kinda freaky lol...
ff, sat test and the o brother where art thou movie which was REALLY boring, i really don't like that movie...
bio, hwitz is, of course, a bitch, and i got a 93 on cobra which is good but considering how much fucking work everybody had to do we ALL deserved 100s. ack.
elp, mock trial, that was good stuff. i totally screwed up my testimony but...ya know...whatever. Stupid hung jury. HE'S VIOLENT. :-) lol
then we had a sci oly meeting...looking forward to getting up at freaking 5-something on saturday just to run around and do nothing...(ie: FREE bio 100...)
but whatever.
went to the Y, i wish i could go every freaking day but my mom had a fit just for having to take me today. she's all...if the traffic gets much worse, i'm just going to turn around right now. and i'm just thinking- have you EVER said that to gabby or chad about soccer practice?
No.
but it was a good workout, i felt SO great afterwards, as always, i had a smoothie and did math homework.
i'm still optimistic. It's actually kinda scary. But tomorrow is piano class and a math test so i might be TOTALLY screwed. We'll see. :-)
Went walking underneath the shadows
where dark and sweet secrets lay
when night tonight falls gently down
hearts helplessly fall to the ground
underneath a velvet sky
only words can lie ~"Cleveland", Jewel
i feel very....refreshed. renewed. kinda like everything is a clean slate, only not in the i-screwed-up-and-now-i-can-make-up-for-it-way, more in the...life is sweet, and i can take advantage of it way.
Today was an interesting day, but all in all, satisfying. I'm feeling really optimistic.
No homework, but math test on Wednesday. I'm going to the Y tom after school. I love going to the Y. It makes me feel so happy.
I got an 80 on the Odyssey test, but oh well, that's life.
Mr. West was really nice to me in Debate today. It was pleasantly surprising.
Ian kinda joked around today in Debate and it wasn't funny and i really was pissed off but he didn't seem to get it...but whatever, it's all good...he's a good friend so i'm guessing he didn't mean anything by it...
i might get to go see nancy on march 21st!
yay!
the sun is shining in my happy little world
:-)
~~Always~-*Teresa*
;-D
YAY for Grammies!
GOOO norah jones
and john mayer is a sexy man. absolutely.
Life is good.
I feel like I've been sitting on the shore tanning, and I'm burning up, and I'm about to jump into the ocean.
Does that make sense?
No. Oh well.
We'll see.
~~Always~-*Tess*
;-D
well that is it i guess
i got the forms back today in the mail
no financial aid
not a cent
so i now have to get $400 saved up
in the next two weeks
if i want to go
i have $290
where do i come up with $110 from?
which is beside the fact that i will have absolutely no money.
zip.
and i won't be able to go to the movies, to go shopping, to get a coffee...
i know that all through this i have said tip is the most important thing to me
and it is
i love it.
i always will.
but i have to ask myself
is it worth it?
and, if it is, can i do it?
always comes down to the hardest questions of all
i hate it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
got 4th, out of 13, so that's okay i guess, it was jv, but ya know, i tried so whatever
it was pretty fun, me and dasha were wearing spencer and ian's ties, and we hung out and rode to chic-fil-a in this guy's car...my mom would've flipped out. ha.
a day of ups and downs
big ups
big downs
and now all i want to do is crawl under the covers and never speak to anyone again, and just sleep and sleep and sleep
i'm going babysitting.
the irony is never really all that funny, is it...
~~Always~-*Teresa*
the other day
i knew a girl
with glossy hair
and one of those smiles
only there so that you know
you're the fool
because she doesn't care
i knew a girl
the other day
who knew a boy
who held her hand
she held his hand so tightly
and walked off with her
into the sunset
by the horizon
where i saw footprints in the sand
and they lead to the crashing
waves of her heart
and she grew smaller
and flipped her hair
as if to say
i'm not going
there
but she still knows everything
and she is gone
The blankness of our twoness
hovers near
bringing to mind the
echoes of clinking
frosted champagne glasses
or was that my mistake
the tinkle of
your laughter mingled with
our voices two
and patterns in our oneness
imprints of
small pieces show
we're always drifting
to forbidding coldness of
the distant ground
never takes too long to turn to
what it used to be
when there's nothing left
to fill the woven space between
loose threads you ripped
apart but not erased
their shapes
they still remember
as do i
To Do ToDay (yeah, i know you care...)
- bio pic of joanne's and my kid
- bio questions on our kid
- ELP test tomorrow
- Providence speeches (at least 3, hopefully...)
i realllllly wanna work out and my mom won't take me. sigh. but hopefully i'm gonna get a babysitting job for tonight, and i could really use some $ soooo yeah
lotsa love to all
(ryan won! awwwww!)
~~Always~-*Teresa*
my stupid comp is freaking SCREWED
;-D
Yeahhhhhhhhhh
did my demo speech, got a 98, YAY! even though i screwed up. and it was a totally dry runthrough. HAH. Procrastination really does pay off.
Took the rest of horowitz's stupid test, and then took two retarded surveys, too bad there wasn't a question about her as a teacher...on a survey that would get looked at by someone IN CHARGE...bitch.
made a baby with joanne ;-)...
worked on my witness crap as the dirty bar slut in elp...i SO didn't raise my hand, but just goes to show you what bad luck does to you...
apparently west is stuck @ harvard, haha, but now i don't know how i'm gonna get a docket...siiiiigh...
piano class, blah, recital on sunday, ugh, i hate recitals, my hands shake and i feel stupid, and we have to dress up :-\
dinner at salsarita's, yay
mom said she'd take me shopping for new soffes today but she didn't, count on parents
math homework, a little bit of bio, and spanish
then bachelorette season finale!
sweet, but blah. ~~Always~-*Teresa*
;-D
Life is blah.
Sweet, but blah.
Woke up round 11:30, piano, hung out, talked to arun and laur, now talking online
stupid computer won't load quizilla
lost my congress leg for providence
ackkkkk. mom won't take me to the Y :-(
teen court tonight
demo speech to write
should probably practice for drama promo tomorrow
hippies should so NOT be heels
i love you
~~Always~-*Teresa*
;-D
NO SCHOOL AGAIN!
I know i should be upset because of the whole... oh-no-no-spring-break thing...but i'm SO not.
I'm ecstatic.
I am seriously in a FANTASTIC mood.
I went to walmart with mom to look for furniture for the recroom but we didn't find any...
then came home, went to the Y, had a really great workout
went out to dinner, ate a cheese blintz and potato salad and a small vanilla cone at dean and deluca's and ben and jerry's...so now i feel guilty...but whatever
"practiced piano" and chatted with arun
talking to people online and getting ready for joe millionaire!
yesssss!
:-) happiness is mine.
i love you guys, and other than ":-D" there's not much to say soooo
Chocolate-chocolate-chip
What kind of cookie are you? brought to you by Quizilla I saw a rainbow earlier today/ Lately those rainbows been coming round like everyday...n flowers are bloomin under gray skies and moons/ Seems like i'm winnin every time i lose/ and the answer i been looking for been her all this time/ spread your rubber lovin and it bounces back to you - "A Moment To Myself", Macy Gray
i really do love the whiteness of it all
and i love that moment when you find out there's no school, and there's a glorious day of sleeping late-ness, and warmth, and happy-ness (noooo, not happiness), and just...everything for the next day~ regardless of whether you'll be doing homework or being with your friends...
i love it.
So I went on a walk with the family, and it was actually kind of nice...we goofed around, and it was cold but beautiful out, and we had fun.
Then I came home, and talked with dd, and had the moment~ then got in a fight with my dad, and had dinner, and talked online with jill and laur and christie (or johnny?) and soo jin...lots of lulls and ruffles...
and then i talked on 3way with laur and jill, and we called lots of fun people, but never actually TALKED to anyone, except for the guy at KISS 95.1, and first we pretended to think we had won ruffle ruffle, and then we requested "bump bump bump" to dedicate it to boris for his 50th birthday...but they never played it.
ohhh sadness :-).
then i watched tv and ate dessert, oh the fat, and then i got in a fight with my mom, and then i talked to laur on the phone and we took some quizzes, and then I did math homework, in a sad, IB-y weekend night type way.
one of those days that starts off blah-y and then gets more exciting and has happy patches and great patches but a few angry bumps along the way...
tomorrow should be good. i have a little bit of work to do but most of it is really just optional, because i only have a little bit of math left, and hopefully i will talk to laur a lot and most hopefully of all i will go to the Y
my plan:
wake up around 12:30 or before, finish my math homework by 1:30, talk to laur, go to the Y, come home, write my demo speech, memorize my odyssey group skit lines, eat dinner, figure out if i have any espanol hmwk, do it if i do, write a speech on the shuttle program for providence, and go to bed.
a busy day but hopefully a fun and fulfilling one? we shall see.
Why wont you ever be glad
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you
why wont you run
in the rain and play
let the tears splash all over you
- "#41", Dave Matthews Band
You're Willow. What this says about you: For some reason, you don't feel like you're good enough. No matter what you do, you are unable to see the truly wonderful person you've become. You're rather selfish and you tend to do things to satisfy yourself rather than others. Still, you're a good person under all that insecurity and people love you--completely unaware of that lurking self-hatred. Try to open your eyes and stay away from an easy, false personality boost. You're fine just the way you are.
some days
i just don't have the patience
for that hard unfeeling outside and
your cold and misty self
some days
i'd rather just wait beneath the covers
until the sun stops shining
and you've melted into tears
some days
i wish you'd look away so i could
let myself just go and be and
crash through the windows and
scream it all to you
some days
i'm tired of pretending to be happy
and i clench my fists and
close my eyes
and try to fade
to nothing more
than all your angry dreams ~~Always~-*Tess*
;-D
this is one of my favorite songs...certain parts of it are up there on the theme lyrics...
All day
Staring at the ceiling makin'
Friends with shadows on my wall
All night Hearin' voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good
For something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
And I don't know why
But I'm not crazy
I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
And talking to myself in public
And dodging glances on the train
And I know I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talkin' in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
They'll be taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey how I used to be
How I used to be...yeah and
I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell ~"Unwell", Matchbox 20 (Twenty?)
All in all, tonight was a G-R-E-A-T night.
And today was a great day.
So I got up around 11, and told mom about my idea to give up all this crap tomorrow, and SHE AGREED TO LET ME GO TO THE MALL! So I practiced piano, and cleaned up the guestroom, and got some $$, and met steph, emily, nancy, and dd at the food court. I saw Jen there, that was cool.
We had a good time, it was nice to see emily even though we haven't been real close or anything since like 6th grade...
first we fooled around with cellphones and calling each other from like two feet away but it was good stuff...
and then we went to sears and tried on random clothes, none of which fit, and then went to claire's, where i got geeta's present, sunglasses, and this really yummy bubblegum/cherry lip gloss, then express for a quick second, then back to the foodcourt, then gap, where i got a gray hoodie and a blue tank (both on sale, yay!)...
then we went back to dd's house and i called mom, she was really nice to me and that made me happy, we danced around and nancy made me look really california-y for a minute :-) lol, and dd and i changed for the party...
then we went. we were like the 2nd ppl to get there, and it was REALLY REALLY fun from there on. we had the traditional "how many m&ms in teresas mouth" contest ;-) lol, and we danced a whole bunch, and we laughed and goofed around and everything. In some ways, it really was nice that the guys couldn't be there. cuz there was no stress on the situation, and, as dd said, "it's not that the guys ARE the problems, it's just that they cause all these problems". they put a lot of pressure on everything, and they make the girl-girl relationships more tense because of competition flirting type crap. and a lot of the ppl who were dancing and being "naughty" lol and just letting loose as they danced wouldn't've had the guys been there.
there was lots of bonding and inside joke-making...
i'm nelly, and i wear bandaids on my cheek AND on my arm...steph's my boo! but geeta is jill's...priya: "will you sleep with me?" "bump, bump, bump...NO"...geeta can't hear when they announce her on the radio...steph and i are russian lesbians in disguise...:-)
the whole thing was great...then we ate cake, had frosting fights, and watched my big fat greek wedding. the only bad part was that i called my mom, and told her that dd's parents weren't gonna take me home, i was gonna get a ride from geeta's sister, and they were like "how old is she?" and i'm like "she's 19, she graduated IB, geeta's parents are all conservative..." i mean she is a really good, safe girl... but of course my stupid parents were like "oh we're not comfortable with that change of plans and the way you went about this"...etc, etc, etc...and then mom gets all mad at me because she's making herself drive down to geeta's. it really upset me a lot but i get over it, she was sweet after we got home so w/e.
i am in a really fantabulous mood right now. and it is 12:45 in the morning
why am i never in good moods at NORMAL times of day?
ohhh i do not know. one of the world's great mysteries.
i looooooove you all
#41
What Dave Matthews Song Are You? brought to you by Quizilla :-)
these are the lyrics for tonight and my great mood:
dancing in the moonlight
everybodys feeling warm and bright
its such a fine and natural sight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight
we like our fun and we never fight
you cant dance and stay uptight
its a supernatural delight
everybody was dancing in the moonlight ~ "Dancin In The Moonlight", Toploader
A modern version
of the classic nursery rhyme:
GEORGIE PORGIE *wouldn't that be a great name*
PUDDIN' PIE
KISSED THE GIRLS AND
MADE THEM CRY
~ this makes no sense. what does puddin pie have to do with ANYTHING?
ohh i do not know. laura says it must be a pet name. i will name my dog pudding pie. when i have a dog. Poor thing. ~ Laura says, just so you all know, that's not what she meant. "A pet name, as in pumpkin, or muffin, or whatever".
OKKKKAAAYYY laura
So...my MODERN adaptation: Laura Waura
Swam real far-a
Burned abercrombie
and made the preps cry-ah ~Laura: YES i made another prep cry!
i tell her about my christmas sweater from abercrombie and, she is "disappointed in me"
oh the difficulties of a friendship with my dearest anticrombie opinionated bullheaded (her word, not mine) swimming FREAK
she knooooowwwws i love her
(dearly, but not queerly, yes hon) a LAURA quote
okkkkaaaay now that i'm done posting, back to being high and crazy on the phone with laura
ohhhhh fun way to spend a valentine's night
lauuuuuuurrrraaa is my east meck valentine :-)
...Yeah, you're the kind of man
A woman thinks she can change
But the only thing changin'
Is my way of thinkin'
And I'm thinkin' that maybe someday
Somebody's gonna give you
A lesson in leavin'
Somebody's gonna give you back
What you've been givin'
And I hope that I'm around
To watch 'em knock you down
It's like you to love 'em and leave 'em
Just like you loved me and left me
It's like you to do that sort of thing
Over and over again
You're a fool-hearted man
~ COUNTRY FOR LAURA! Jo Dee Messina
LOVE YOU GUYS
~~Always~- *TERESA!* (for laura, not tess)
;-D
It really was a good day. :-)
Easy classes, 2 out of 4 with subs, and of course a Happy Valentine's Day! (to all of you, and me!)
Candy and teddy bears and moooore candy and cards...and just a great day.
Makes me feel really...loved, and thankful, because i have some of the greaaatest people in my life that anyone could ever ask for. ~I almost hate to be so content, because so many people get upset, and depressed, when Vday rolls around...but I think it's partly because they're too hard on themselves. Not having someone doesn't mean you're not just as AMAZING of a person as the people who might have someone. I mean, we all know that, don't we? And, to be perfectly realistically honest, as Laur and I were saying last night on the phone, often the people who are plain, and go unnoticed, and quiet, are the ones who grow up and blossom. When we come back for our 25th high school reunion, it's not going to matter who got how many chocolates on Vday, or who had braces, or acne, or a bad hairstyle...it's going to matter how much YOU made YOUR high school years enjoyable. Not including college, these are supposed to be some of the coolest years of our lives. And it's some of the last years that we're gonna be able to rely on our parents, and not worry about bills and cars and ALL OF THAT...and it's OUR LIVES. And the only people who can make it great are...us.~ Sorry, that was off topic.
I'm just in a great mood. Even though I have nothing to do tonight, because I'm sort-of grounded (as in, am right now, but might get off of it by tomorrow FOR NANCY!), I think I'll sit at home and eat my candy and watch a movie...Walk to Remember? or maybe that abcfamily movie is on, The One? Gimme a call, seriously, everyone, I KNOW YOU READ THIS....;-)
Life's good.
And even though Valentine's Day IS too commercialized, etc, etc, etc...it's still worth enjoying.
This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks
It's my life
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life
~ "It's MY LIFE", Bon Jovi
~~Always~-*Teresa*
;-)
Sometimes it takes a rainy day
just to let you know everything's gonna be alright.
I've been dreaming in the sun
won't you wake me up someone?
I need a little peace of mind...
When you open up your life to the living
All things come spilling in on you.
And you're flowing like a river, the changer and the changed
You've got to spill some over
- Cris Williamson
Yesterday.
Math~ okay. 86 on the last test means I have to work really hard if I want to try and make the A on midterm. My table/group/thing really pisses me off~ they're all juniors: this girl Mary, this guy Cody, this other kid Blake.
Mary's quiet but sweet, Cody's fine, Blake is like...a total ass. He puts down his answers on group work as the FINAL answer, and he's one of those kids who works really fast and is annoyingly always right. So when I get a different answer, and ask him to explain it to me, he's like "Look, you put what you think, and I'll put what I think, and we'll see who's right." But how the hell can I figure out if he's right or not if he won't just take like...10 seconds and explain how he got his answer!
English~ another okay. Everyone kept telling me I should call home, and for some reason I always feel the worst in the 2nd period of the day and the last one....so I finally did, but Mom was going to a meeting and said the earliest Dad would be able to pick me up would be 11.
And if I make it to 11, I might as well stay the rest of the day and get it over with~ which I did. I hadn't done my workbook pages and somehow got away with it :-D. Nice to have things go my way.
Group work was blah. I didn't really do anything 'cept sit in the corner with Laur's group and Ian's group.
Spanish~ kinda funny. Banerjee was SO fakely chipper during the taping. It was retarded.
Debate~ took notes on Ted Turner Debate, aka Controversy, aka Crossfire. Fun, easy, its happy normal self. I really do like that class for some insane reason.
Afterschool~ went home with carpool girl at like 2:30, watched TV and did my bio lab, went vday shopping with jill...we had fun. She was happy, she found what she wanted...I was happy, I found what I wanted...
good stuff.
Came home, tried to do some homework, felt awful...read cliff notes for my BR5, just in case I WAS going to go to school today...fell asleep after a fight with Mom, woke up after 2 hours at 9:30, had another fight with Mom, what else is new...
read some more online cliff notes, went to bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today:
stayed home. I just couldn't do it. Slept till 11:15. Got up, watched TV, slept on the couch, coughed, had some food, coughed, coughed, coughed...this SUCKS.
Called Hannah, got my make up work---yeah, i'm screwed.
drama, i'm fine...ff, i've gotta do my BR5 essay...bio, horowitz is a bitch.
I have HAD teachers that I've hated, and I've HAD classes that I've hated, and I've HAD unfair situations and assignments but...
she gave us homework and a test.
WE HAVE A TEST TOMORROW
and this is the FIRST we've heard of it.
that is SO unfair.
So tonight, i have to:
1. do BR5 essay; 2. write Odyssey script for my group; 3. do Chapter 12 assessment; 4. study for a biology TEST that promises to screw me over.
And that's assuming I don't have ANY elp homework.
Joy.
Should have never started, ain't that the way it always ends?
On my life I'll try today, there's so much I've felt I should say, but.
Even if your heart would listen, doubt I could explain. - "If You Don't, Don't", Jimmy Eat World
If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be
We're all okay
Not to worry
'Cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
Won't be idle with despair
Gather myself around my faith
And light is the darkness most feared
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours they are my own
But they're not yours they are my own and
I am never broken
Poverty
Stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
Will you fight
Not out of spite
'Cause someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours they are my own
But they're not yours they are my own
And I am never broken
In the end
Only kindness matters
In the end
Only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees
And I will pray
I will get down on my knees
And I will pray
I will get down on my knees
And I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours they are my own
But they're not yours they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours they are my own
But they're not yours they are my own
I am never broken
We are never broken ~"These Hands", Jewel
ooookay.
Here's the deal.
Someone just imd me, i kinda switched onto AIM and was ignoring my aol...one of my friends who i prollly, ya know, shouldnt like go around saying who, cuz whooo knows they might not want me to...but they're all like: hey, ya know on that thing you write on- are you really depressed or just trying to act like it
Neither.
Yeah, I have moments where i'm super-upset, sad, whatever-you-want-to-call-it.
I have other moments when i'm super-HAPPY, excited, ecstatic, elated, whatever-you-want-to-call-it.
On here, I write what I feel.
Whatever I feel.
Whenever I feel it.
To tell you guys the truth, I am starting to get kinda worried...every day a few more people are like oooh I read your thing that you write on.
Which, I know, I shouldn't be surprised by. I mean...hellooooo. It's on like every single away msg I put up~ along with all three of my profiles (miamigirl1288 aim and aol, and traumapronechica aim...).
But still.
I didn't think anyone actually bothered to look at it.
Apparently...they do.
Which is cool.
And I really do like to know that people are reading it...i mean, in some ways, that's why it's here, ya know~ a place that i can vent but also be heard.
But at the same time...it's one of the few things I've got where I really feel open, able to tell just about everything, including my feelings.
You can talk to me about it, of course.
And you can tell me that you're reading it, OF COURSE.
But don't screw it over for me.
Okay? :-)
loooooove you guys...
~~Always~-*Teresa*
ps: how do YOU rank on the FI SCALE ???
time for odyssey bs...
;-D
i feel HORRIBLE.
i'm sitting here in Corbin's room in the CB building, and it's 3-fricking-30 and i should SOOO totally be at home, under the covers, where I should've been all day.
But I'm not.
Instead, I'm doing stupid Science Olympiad fossil SHIT and waiting for it to be 4:00.
And ya know what's even worse?
I HAVE TO, repeat HAVE TO be in school tomorrow for 1st and 3rd periods.
Which means that I might as well stay the whole day, cuz 7th is always fun, and i spose I can survive through Banerjee's BS...(alliteration! yay!) for 90 min. Sigh.
BEING SICK SUCKS.
i can't help sounding like some kind of out of shape monkey-cow when I laugh, ya know...
and I can't help the coughing fits either. I wanna be beeetttteerrrrrrr...
and i am SOOO hungry.
STARVED.
feed a cold...starve a fever....unless you're stuck at MP with no food~ in which case it's suffer AND starve with both.
Yippee yippee joy joy.
Drama was okay, we did our intro promos, kinda boring, plus i really don't like ya know...putting myself on the line...committing....but at least I didn't have to talk :-)
FF was same old, same old...Anliker kept trying to convince me to go home lol but I figured I could stick it out.
Which I did
And now I feel TERRIBLE.
Bio and horowitz wasn't here, AGAIN!!! YAAAAYYY! The ONLY fun part of my day~ marker wars lol chris and dd...
elp was so-so...mr fuller's story was pretty cool, and NO HOMEWORK is nice...
Now I have to wait to go home, and then do odyssey crap~ BLB, comp questions, AND script for the group work.
And EOC cards.
AND math homework.
AND I should probably start tackling the 300 pgs of my book review book that I still have to go...
Life's a bitch.
Mine just had puppies.
*I'd ask you to call, but a) I don't have time
b) I can barely speak, I've gotten worse
and c) you wouldn't anyway :-(*
Being sick is depressing me.
okay the minute bell just randomly rang over here, kiiiinda freaky...
buh-bye guys
*these lyrics are seriously some of my favorites...
I know it takes love
Love is a healing thing
When you give everything
You're loving the world
The world gives you love
To hold onto
Remembering
We seldom remember love
- "Stewart's Coat", Michelle Branch
overall, an okay day.
Got up, felt awful. ate bagels, did some homework.
chatted on the phone, went to the doctor.
came home, went to the movie (it was good, funny, but laughing makes me cough...)
came home, had some meds, ate dinner and dessert
talked on the phone a bit more
i luv u dd
my throat hurts sooo bad and my back hurts, my chest hurts, my head hurts...EVERYTHING.
but hey "suck it up", yay for anliker...because the makeup work just isnt worth it~
if i really do have some bronchitis-like thing, and the creepy doctor is right, then i'm only gonna get worse. So i better go tomorrow, and miss ya know...a million days instead of a million and one.
And who knows, once i "get back in the swing of things", i might actually feel better...
right?
luv yall.
sweet dreams.
oh yeah, got in a huge fight with my mom too.
screamed at her, etc...even cussed. HA.
i wish she would just let-me-live-my-own-life.
this one's for her. (i know, that's not quite how it's meant...but the parts in boooold)
HA. It's a new day
but it all feels old
It's a good life
thats what I'm told
but everything
it all just feels the same
And my high school
if felt more to me
like a jail cell
a penitentary
but time spent there it only made me see
I dont ever wanna be like you
i dont wanna do the things you do
im never gonna hear the words you say
and i dont ever wanna..i dont ever wanna be you
dont wanna be just like you wat im sayin is
this is the anthem throw all your hands up
you..dont wanna be you
- "The Anthem", Good Charlotte not normally my quote-unquote thing but ya know
okay not sure why i just WROTE OUT quote-unquote
but ya know
i luuuuv u
~~Always~-*Tess*
;-D
Ok, Mom is being weirder than possible (you didn't think it was possible, did you?...well neither did i)
So last night, I decided I really didn't have enough energy/healthiness (yes, a word) to go out.
So I didn't. Sigh. I did Science Olympiad with DD, and lounged around, and watched TV, and slept from like 7-10 and then again from like 12-10
that is so bizarre.
So anyway, I wake up this morning and i feel A-W-F-U-L.
Whatever it is I've got, I've got it bad.
So my mom is calling the doctors office to get me an appt, and AS SHE IS DOING THIS she says well do you want to go see a movie later today?
and i'm like WHAT-THE-HELL you might not have let me go out last night because i was too sick, if i hadnt made the decision myself, and now you're offering to TAKE ME OUT????
and i'm like...well mom i dont think that makes much sense since i dont feel too great, ya know...
and she's like, well if you get out, get back into the swing of things, maybe you'll be more likely to go to school tomorrow.
and i'm like oooookey-dokey then.
so it looks like dd and i might end up seeing how to lose a guy in 10 days today--because she doesn't wanna drive far. She's complaining that DD's house it TOO FAR~!!!! and dd is the closest of all yall to me!!!! AND she doesn't even necessarily have to pick up whoever i go with!!!!!!!!
WHAT IS UP WITH THIS??????????????
i have absolutely ZERO idea.
this makes absolutely-no-sense.
My mom's ideas make no sense.
At all.
She's like...the 9th wonder of the world (after the assless girls of tip ;-) mollie!~)
~~Always~-*Teresa*
PS: I hate doctors.
JillyBean8288: it's just like "ew get off me you nasty freak"
:-) lol
Today is one of those days when you wake up in the morning, and get out of bed, and right off the bat everything is going wrong. And something inside you thinks "Gee, maybe I should just go back to bed." But you don't.
And it's downhill from there.
I don't feel too great. I woke up this morning and my breathing sounded like some kind of freaking TRACTOR ENGINE *do motorized wheelchairs have engines? :-D*
i am still kinda wheezing and i think i must have the chills or something...
and you people are really, really, really pissing me off.
Cuz now it looks like I am gonna spend my pathetic freaking SATURDAY NIGHT sitting around at home. Alone. And no one is gonna talk to me on the phone anyway...
i really like that new song, all american rejects, swing swing
i feel soooooo unloved
and forgotten
and lonely
and rejected
and EVERYONE has their away message up.
You people are really pissing me off.
I wonder, if I go right now, and get back in bed, will I be able to get back up again and just start over?
~~Always~-*Teresa*
today was okay.
I got an 86 on my math test...disappointing, and my parents will kill me when they see it on the grade printout, but what else is new
i almost died coughing in english, and i feel really bad...my throat is sore and dry, i'm kinda wheezing, i have a really scratchy hard cough, my head, my back is sore in this place it always hurts when i get a cough...
half of me just wants to curl up in a ball and sleep the rest of the day away
and the other half really...doesn't. so please call, please, everyone, please, please, please
spanish was its normal stupid boring banerjee-is-a-bitch self
mr west was actually kinda mad at me in debate but i finished some elp homework, and i am doing duo interp with ian and it should be fun
arun made me mad, but then i convinced him to do the right thing lol and jill helped :-)
now i'm home...glad to be home...
sarah mclachlan says it all
seriously read these ones
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it OK There's always some reason to feel not good enough And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent revelrie
In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
Clarissa Explains it All. Little brothers piss you off and your best friend climbs up a ladder...
But of course that's not weird to you because you're Clarissa Darling
I'm feeling upset but...motivated. Ready to change. Ready to be strong. Ready to get in gear. Really POSITIVE! AGAIN!
Yeah...today's Covey really actually had an effect on me lol...so i made a whole bunch of resolutions. Daily type I guess...and today I'm gonna actually get some work done, practice piano, get ahead on life, etc.
Life is tough and I'm having lots of the same problems I've already had...but I think this time around, I'm gonna be okay, I'm gonna be strong, gonna be cool with it all...stay calm and just let it all roll off my back.
If I don't change now, I'll be stuck in my same old selfish, histrionic (is this the word i mean? attention-needing...), unfairly moody, procrastinating, lazy ways forever.
And, cliche as it is, cliche as it sounds...
I don't want to wake up in 50 years and wonder why I didn't change myself, why I didn't tell the truth, why I wasn't honest with myself and everyone around me, why I didn't realize how much I needed to change, why I didn't get through my problems, why I didn't make the effort
While I still could.
I don't want to wake up in 50 years alone~ or, worse, with someone I don't want beside me.
I don't want to wake up in 50 years and still be the same person I am today.
I don't want to wake up and realize I haven't learned a thing.
I don't want to wake up and have to cry.
I don't want to wake up in pain.
It all comes back to the same thing, doesn't it.
I just want to be happy.
You make me feel so angry, and so upset, and so...vulnerable.
I wish you would take a minute and try to have a little regard for my feelings.
I'm real. I'm not just here for you. I'm not just a piece of your imagination.
The things I say, I mean them. I don't make it up. I wish you would learn to listen.
My heart, my life, the things I tell you, they are not there for you to laugh at.
I wish that you would respect me.
I wish you would take me seriously. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
math test was...okay. probably a low b, maybe a c...breathe. breathe. breathe.
The more I get into this book, the more...gray I feel.
entire elp project to do tonight. I'm screwed. i KNOW i should get started but...
~~~
She hated the mirror. She was never sure quite why. She would sit in the car and glance into the rearview. Or walk to the bathroom and catch a glimpse against the wall. She always tried to avoid it, tried to avoid looking, tried to avoid the purity of it, the openness. And one day, she let herself look, full on stare. And she couldn't take her eyes away.
She was no great beauty, nor was she truly hideous. Gently falling hair, deep eyes, warm skin, thin lips...She was young, but the paths of too many salty tears had traced themselves onto her cheeks. The curling tendrils of her hair had wrapped themselves around the sharp edge of her forehead. Her cheekbones angled out, her skin thin and taut. The soft, light hair on her arms stood on end when she looked into her own eyes. They were blank and empty, filled with the despairingly distant look of one whose repressed soul gave up too soon. She stared into the mirror as though it were an abyss holding the questions for her answers. She could not see what they all saw. She could not understand how they left her as she was. She could not tear her eyes away.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I wish you would take me seriously. ~~Always~-*Teresa*
anyone know if odyssey next check is due tom? email me miamigirl1288@aol.com and lemme know
feeling really positive today~ had a good day in general, fun after school w/ bottle rockets and "stories" in the office haha, teen court pretty good, spent some time with dad...
huge math test tomorrow really stressing me out. anxiety. breathe. breathe. breathe.
but its an A-day and A-days are great so...
Reading all loves excelling is really bringing some emotions to the surface for me, kinda scary~ talks about the mom's last words to the daughter as she leaves her at boarding school, "don't let us down", the mother's disappointment in the daughter's B's, the daughter's embarrassment at how assertive her mother is...
sigh.
anyway i'm feeling really optimistic/positive, let's not ruin it here
starbucks with dd, so fun :-)
so i've gotta go do math studying, and read odyssey books and do summarizing crap ::cough:pinkmonkey.com:cough:: and finish up my tip letter...sigh. i miss it so bad.
great song here, read these lyrics please...really describes how i've been feeling lately, just in general, i know it's like a soldier tribute or something but ya know it's got meaningful lyrics so...
There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There's secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Maybe I'm just blind...
Maybe I'm just blind...
So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything you need
I'll also be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone...
When your education x-ray
Can not see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing
That I could not tell my friends
Roaming through this darkness
I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone
Love me when I'm gone...
Love me when I'm gone
When I'm Gone
When I'm Gone
When I'm Gone
I SOOO should be finishing up my bio and doing my TIP personal statement, but you know me: procrastination till the VERY end.
And when you look
It's gone
It's too late to turn around
And it's another day
Facing yourself and
The things that you've done ~"Second Chances", Michelle Branch
My mom comes into the room and I feel like screaming.
I can't breathe around her, she tries to tell me what to say and who to be and I just wanna figure it out for myself damnit
I know I don't know everything and I know that I'm screwed up and I know that she thinks I don't work hard enough
and I wish that for once I could just pretend
I can't breathe
But if I could, I would scream everything at her
Until she ran away and left me
to myself
for just a minute
~~Always~-*Teresa*
Wow that's a lot of posts in a little time
JillyBean8288: i don't see why i should go to school anyways, i mean c'mon, i know everything!
hahahaha for me and jill...
Miamigirl1288: answer this question pretending you're me, i'm taking a quiz...:
Miamigirl1288: 19. Overall, how happy are you?
I'm often mistaken for the yellow smiley face
I am one of the happier people I know
I am about as happy as the next guy
I'm happy sometimes
I'm less happy than most people I know
I'm not the happiest of people
JillyBean8288: i am about as happy as the next guy, and i want to get into his pants
Miamigirl1288: ;-) you betcha
JillyBean8288: JUST KIDDING
www.emode.com
too lazy to make that into a link but YA KNOW...
Sharp at Sunset
That's right, when the sun goes down, your energy and creativity go way up. This is your on time, when you're most inspired thoughts come pouring in and when you're most motivated to venture out. Are you into sports, dinner parties, or just hanging out with friends as the sun sinks out of sight? We thought so. Because that's the time of day that really empowers you and makes you feel alert.
You're especially dynamic at dinner, cocktail parties, and early evening functions, when your persistent wit and wisdom are at their finest. And after dinner, when everyone else is putting on their jackets and preparing to head home, you're the kind of person who stays alert, inquisitive, and ready for more world-changing conversation.
Well even I could've told ya that...
~~Always~-*Tess*
;-D
Gave my OO.
10,000 15-24 year olds.
Killing themselves.
Every year.
Guys, let's be careful here please. Ian and Josh sit there and figure out the best way to slit one's wrist in debate and I can't be a hypocrite and say we have so many blessings and we shouldn't even consider it because you all know where I've been. But if ever, if EVER, any of you even think of it. Even for a second. Stop for a minute, before you pull the trigger, before you swallow the pill, before you drag the knife across your skin- and remember that I love you. Each and every one of you, my friends, the people I love. And if you were gone~ well, you'd take a piece of me with you. Each and every one of you. You are not just another person. You are so much to me, all of you are, remember that there are people who love you. And I am one of them. I'm not even sure how many of you read this, but remember how much I care. And call. (704) 366 8201.
Don't give up. I love you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I guess I'm on a really solemn note today...because my OO really made me think...
All Loves Excelling What a name for a book. And I tell about it in my speech, and for a split second I lose my breath...Nora said it's my story.
But it's not.
Not yet.
I know that I push myself, sometimes almost as much as my parents push me...I can't rely on my parents' approval anymore. I can't keep going to them to be "good enough". Because at this rate, I never will be. I have to live for my own expectations and mine only. Because I don't want to grow up, and make all their dreams, and graduate, and get that job, and get married...and have that perfect outside world...and have only one thing be wrong- Me.
It's not my story.
I can't let it be.
~~Always~-*Teresa*
meaningful lyrics! I just fall in love with a song that tells me how I feel, that lets me keep it inside and still put it on the line, that says it all perfectly and, as a TIP friend once quoted, "plays at the strings of my soul".
Can you see me now? Can you see me now? Can you see?
All this weeping in the air, I can tell we're about to fall through floating forests in the air
Across the rolling open sea.
Now I kiss and run through air. Leave the past, find nowhere,
Floating forests in the air- clowns all around you... -tatu, "Clowns"
I'd post the lyrics in Russian but ya know, no one would understand em-least of all me- cept for dash and maybe ian depending on the song i guess...
the extent of my knowledge: Ya lublu tvoy oorock. Ya terpetimagu tvoy oorock. Which is definitely spelled wrong, sorry Dasha...that means I love your class. I hate your class. That's ALL i know. I don't even know how to say I love you or I hate you...just your class. Sigh.
~~Always~-*Tess*
;-D
felt down
like everyone
like in a dream
I'm not i
it's not my carousel
and not my dream...
smoke or unhappiness
or rain on my eyes
i'll come back
i'll come back
half an hour half an hour ...
~tatu, "30 Minutes"
Now I really see what all the hype is about with this whole laur/ian-generated tatu craze.
~~Always~-*Teresa*
;-D
I have no idea what I'm doing. None at all. I am screwing myself over and I know that I'm doing it. But I'm just a kid, I can make mistakes, I can screw up, right? And you think you can analyze me and figure out my reasons- but you can't. Just because I'm not like you doesn't mean that you're better than me. And I know that I am making a lot of mistakes lately. But I just want to live---I don't want to hurt anyone, and I don't want to be cruel and unfair, and I don't want to make you angry, I don't want to make you cry---but I want to find a way to be happy. That's all I really want. And I'm not happy when you're not happy, and I'm not happy when you are. And I want to be close but I want to be fair. And you know what the worst part is? You don't even know who "you" are. Because you're not who you think you are. You probably have no clue. And that is definitely the worst feeling in the world.
I can't put myself on the line when I don't have anything to put...because I am bleeding inside, and I know that it is my fault, and I know that I have no right to complain about what I put myself through, and I ignore all the things that make sense, and everything that I know, and I am the biggest idiot I know. And I don't know what to do about it.
And I know what you are thinking, but I hate to hear you say it. And I wish that you would stop bringing that same thing up as an explanation for why I'm like this. Because just because I'm different doesn't mean that I can be analyzed. I'm not your precious little case study. If I can't make sense of myself, what makes you think that you can???
And I wish I was an introvert.
More than anything.
~~Always~-*Teresa*
