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Today this girl is
and/but
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wMonday, March 31, 2003 |
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I said it once before, and I'll say it again.
Sometimes it amazes me the way the tiniest things in the world can just send your mood shooting up or down.
In this case, up.
Yay for...everything?
~~always~-*tess*
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 8:32 PM
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I feel so...useless.
Not abandonded, just useless.
It's not that nobody cares, it's just that nobody needs me.
At least I'm finally putting my finger on it...
~~always~-*teresa*
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 3:44 PM
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wSunday, March 30, 2003 |
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So.
I'm thinking I should start my homework now?
~~always~-*tess*
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 4:28 PM
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I hate the rain.
Also, somebody needs to explain to my parents the concept of sleeping in.
The 9 AM mass just isn't cutting it here...
~~always~-*teresa*
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 11:18 AM
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wSaturday, March 29, 2003 |
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Tonight was pretty fun.
I met a cool new friend, and I talked to her, and I hung out, and I let loose, and I just...chilled.
Which is always nice.
oh right...haha...
Jill to Eric while on the couch: "I don't want your balls!"
lol
Tomorrow I must IP and do my math homework...so I'll put off going to sleep for a long time, because the later i go to sleep, the later i wake up. And the later I wake up, the later we go to church. And the later we go to church, the later I have to start doing my work.
Ahh, the life of a procrastinator. :-)
~~always~-*teresa*
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 11:32 PM
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haha sorry to post so many times in one day but...
Juls212: im going shopping
Juls212: like a good woman should
Juls212: and im armed
Juls212: with lots of cash
:-) luv ya juls
~~always~-*tess*
posted by
Teresa at 2:13 PM
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stupid blogger won't post things right.
aaack.
posted by
Teresa at 1:06 PM
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~HA~
--laur on the phone--
*Laur's Dad singing in the background...*
Lauren: Must you sing?
Lauren's Dad: There's nothing wrong with a happy dad!
Lauren: There's nothing wrong with a happy dad.
But there is something wrong with a singing dad.
haha :-)
its off to play piano...
~~always~-*teresa*
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 1:05 PM
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I should so still be asleep.
Yawn.
~~always~-teresa
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 10:08 AM
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~Ack.~
--"disease", matchbox twenty, on the radio--
So the phone rings this morning at like 8, and I'm half-woken-up, and then my mom proceeds to have her ENTIRE 20 minute conversation while leaving the phone on speakerphone...UGH.
Not EVERYONE in the house cares how to get to the soccer fields in Hickory...
But that's okay.
I'm up, and I could totally be doing something productive...but I'll just sit here and mess around until I feel like getting up, when I'll probably go downstairs and make waffles and mess around, and maybe later I'll call DD or Laur and just chat, and maybe...if I feel like it...I'll do my math homework and practice piano and start (yeah, i said start) my bibs.
Haha.
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 8:47 AM
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wFriday, March 28, 2003 |
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Well, I'd tell you about my life, but apparently everyone already knows...
Haha.
Ah well, that's the way the world turns.
It's all good.
YAY.
~~always~-teresa
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 11:02 PM
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wThursday, March 27, 2003 |
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It's been a quick week.
Today's Thursday.
I love Thursdays.
Life's pretty darn sweet.
haha.
~~always~-*tess*
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 8:32 PM
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wWednesday, March 26, 2003 |
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hm.
It's a leap of faith.
~~always~-*teresa*
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 3:21 PM
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wTuesday, March 25, 2003 |
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i am here for you hon :-\
turn towards the wall and think
and hate the way it feels to know
he doesn't care
he doesn't give
he doesn't know
but if he did it'd all be the same
and you struggle for his affection
but sooner or later you feel like you're slipping straight down everest
and you never even stole a kiss
all you want is too much to put into words
and he doesn't see
he doesn't think
he doesn't want to
you sit alone and hold yourself together
so he won't see you shatter
not that he would care
maybe he'd catch your pieces
and hold them in his hand
do you think he'd care?
do you think he'd give?
do you think he'd know?
or would it even matter
one more tear
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 4:41 PM
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~I Wanna Believe You~
--avril...--
Well I thought that I was gonna get home and want to totally vent up here because i really didn't have the best of days.
But looking back, it was actually a really nice sort of typical day.
2nd- we played the game show. it was fun. then we took the quiz. i really did think it was sort of hard but whatever.
4th- sat and ip.
lunch- icc carnival was really fun. i got some icecream and brownies. haha healthy, i know, but it was yummy.
6th- stupid hwitz changed our seats. the quest was just average difficulty. i hope i did well...the rest of class was boring, as usual.
8th- nothing of any interest.
after school- bio tutoring with chris and dd. haha i hate hwitz soooo much.
now- study for math test, do ip index card, figure out the r&j work...lost my stupid blue sheet already...
i am so confused.
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 4:03 PM
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wMonday, March 24, 2003 |
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ah yes
now i remember
i dont tell them
i dont tell YOU
because you dont understand
posted by
Teresa at 4:39 PM
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why don't i let anyone help me
why don't i call somebody and tell them how i'm feeling
why do i DO this to myself
i know that all i have to do is dial the right number and i can pour everything out to dd or lauren or nancy or christie or dasha or jill or soo or mollie or greg or megan or even arun or elbie or josh or...
but i sit up here and i keep it all to myself
and when people ask me if i'm okay i say it doesn't bother me and i don't care
but it does
why am i keeping it inside
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 4:26 PM
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i feel like such an idiot for ever caring about you
for ever trusting you
for ever listening to you
the worst part being that
i still don't hate you
after all the shit
you've put me through
without even realizing...
i still care
posted by
Teresa at 4:19 PM
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~Somebody Else Round Everyone Else~
--Avril--
Here is the thing about life:
Sometimes, you can have a day that seems absolutely perfect. You're happy and your friends are happy. You're not bored but you're not stressed. You're relaxed, and life is easy, and stuff is just...good.
And then, one little person, or one little thing, can screw everything over.
And you're powerless to turn things back around, and there's nothing you can do, and there's no way you can make it better for yourself.
And life feels worthless, and all your energy is gone, and all your positivity has disappeared, and everything is awful.
And there is nothing you can do. Because that's the way it is.
And you can't control how you feel about the whole mess.
And it sucks.
Here's a big mess of Avril lyrics that kinda says it all...
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Here's what I have to say
I was left to cry there, waiting outside there
Burning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Why should I care
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone
You, you need to listen
I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone
Open your eyes
Open up wide
If you don't care then I don't care
We're not going anywhere
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 3:13 PM
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wSunday, March 23, 2003 |
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~The Funniness~
--"Foolish", Ashanti (aol radio)--
hahahaha
life is full of humor
you just have to find it
ohh morbid but funny.
Dancnqueen454: here lies teresa reed. she hyperventilated and went into cardiac arrest. she blamed mrs. anliker for causing her stress over the ip. adios amigos.
:-D
~~always~-teresa
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 8:38 PM
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~~
--aol radio--
I'll start from the beginning.
Not that you'll care enough to read this huge entry, but hey...'s all good.
FRIDAY:
2nd- worked some more with "sorry, wrong number", did some fun skits, i was operator 3...ours was really screwed up though lol.
4th- nothing worth remembering :-).
lunch- same.
6th- usual, passed notes, goofed off, watched the clock and waited to go Dacula-ing. ;-)
8th- quarterly was bs, so who cares, and then we did some town meeting thing till the bell.
mom picked me up at 2:45, we ran home for me to throw some extra stuff in my bag, we picked up gabby at randolph and we were off. The car ride was actually really fun. We listened to Aretha Franklin and ate butterscotch candy and i actually didn't get bored until like 2 hours into the ride. I got to Nancy's around 7, and barely had time to change before we were off to the mall to meet her friends, Amy and Lauren. The mall there is pretty intimidating. It's big and full of kids and stores and people and teenagers and everything. But then again, as Nancy said, it's about all there is to do in Dacula. :-) Her friends were crazy, but sweet, and the movie was hilarious...it ended around 9:30 and we headed home. We had ramen noodles and then just chilled and talked (with the window open haha) until like 1. Saturday morning, she woke up and ran while I slept in...at 9 we got up and ate breakfast, it was really good. It was warm and sunny out so we put on skirts and went to the mall :-). A huge blur: Delia's, Old Navy, charlotte russe, rampage, rave, wet seal, body shop, hollister, rich's, american eagle, bath and body works, and probably a few more i'm just forgetting...i got a top, a skirt, a purse, sunglasses, necklaces, bracelets, rings, and anklets. I think that's it. AND i still got $45...yay for actually bringing some money home with me. :-) Saturday afternoon we came home and got ready for the baseball game. Ate burgers and headed out the door. The game was fun, but absolutely freezing. We called DD :-). We came home and played pool for a bit, then went back upstairs and headed to bed. This morning we got up around 9, ate breakfast, played pool, went online, and talked while i packed. And then my mom came, and it was over. A ride home that felt incredibly short, and here i am. we're going out to dinner later.
I miss her already.
A whirlwind of last year memories and Thaxton and Barrett and Smith and MR. EADDY, and Ms. Wheeler, and No-Ankles-Waggoner, and malplasma and sci oly, mystery guy and crush estimation, the bus and 5-7-9, the guys pouring water on us, the infamous list which made us so mad, graduation, the dance, and just...everything.
I miss it all.
But I love the way we always seem to pick up right where we left off.
And I always feel like we're so alike in the way we think and the way we see things...but the way we are on the outside and the way we show it all is so different.
*divergent evolution...*
Which reminds me.
I should be doing homework.
Ugh.
~~always~-teresa
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 5:27 PM
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~The Wisdom Of Mom~
--news--
We're sitting downstairs watching the news and my mom turns to me and says, "Honey, just a piece of advice...Never get close to a Republican. It'll only bring you trouble."
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Thank God the whole family is liberal.
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 10:00 PM
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feeling a lot better.
glad i came home and slept.
ch17 assessment, sat cards, packing
less than 24 hrs till dacula
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 6:32 PM
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Home.
This TIP dilemma is really weighing on my mind.
I thought I finally had it all figured out.
Sleep now.
Think later.
~~always~-tess
posted by
Teresa at 3:54 PM
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~Just A Matter Of Time~
--the other kids in here whispering--
Well, I'm in Horowitz's room. We all know how incredibly happy that makes me... and it just tops off a day that makes me think "It so should be Friday already". Actually, started off pretty good, and its just downhill from there...
math- funny. the people in my group are funny, my teacher is funny, i had fun, and i understood the lesson. yayness.
english- well i bombed the shakespeare test. characteristics of a stage, i put that it was wooden, flat, and the actors stood on it. i think the shakespeare unit will actually be pretty fun. most things are with anliker.
spanish- we actually did nothing in there...warm-up, quest review, quest itself (easy), and then...something else. w/e.
debate- blah. ian and i made up our duo and performed it again. we really screwed up...when everyone else laughed at one part, i started cracking up too. big surprise, i know.
now- waiting for mom. i was up at the front circle but it got boring and i had to ask horowitz something so i came down here...it's nice and quiet. i needed some destress time. found out the elp assessment is just gonna be extra credit cuz its all on the economics stuff. good news. so tonight: pack for dacula-YAY!-, ch 17 assessment for bio, sat cards...and thats it. yay. i should do my math cuz of the dacula trip. wow i have like nothing tonight. i should do piano. also ip crap. well that's all, i'm going home, yay.
~~always~-teresa
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 3:13 PM
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wWednesday, March 19, 2003 |
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~The View From The Left~
--peter jennings on abc--
In my opinion, we are royally screwed- as a country and as a world- by Bush tonight.
What. An. Idiot.
But if we're going to war, then we're going to war.
Personally, I'm going to support the country. We've jumped in over our heads, and I know it, but just because I didn't think we should've gotten in the pool doesn't mean I won't cheer while we swim. :-) hah hurray for extended metaphor...
Well, he's spoken.
At least it sounded like English, right?
Maybe I misunderestimated his language abilities.
I love our country. I really do.
But I hate our President.
Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. ~Ernest Hemingway
~~~
I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it. ~Dwight Eisenhower
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 10:24 PM
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~Funniness~
--Kiss 95.1: Craig David--
Ijockmo1: i found out that skinny white people can turn purple in the rain
:-D
i feel so very cheered up.
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 6:41 PM
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~Would It Kill You?~
--computer buzz--
2nd- boring and pointless.
4th- funny. good to have anliker in the place of that stupid sub.
lunch- stupid horowitz. the one good thing about the rain.
6th- funny. nice sub. almost got detained. that would've been even funner. ha.
8th- just its normal self. the law and order tape made my skin crawl.
i am still not sure about tip and i have to make my decision tonight.
spanish quest tomorrow, i hate it when anliker springs tests on us only one day in advance.
piano class then salsarita's then study while watching american idol and bachelor special.
i really hate the rain.
it is not helping my mood a bit.
hopefully i'll feel better in a bit.
i'm so tired.
You
and all your problems
stick to me
like streams against my window
running through this haze
would it kill you to pretend you see me?
and it's been years
and in the span of things
forever
but you still can't look me in the eye
not that i mind
just wishing you'd find it somewhere
or at the least
bother to look
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 3:17 PM
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wTuesday, March 18, 2003 |
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damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
i absolutely feel like crap.
for those of you who know what i'm talking about, i'm sorry.
i just can't help it.
i hate it.
fuck.
posted by
Teresa at 10:45 PM
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~You Are The Last One~
--Midtown--
Today was just not fun.
Ugh.
math- 91 on the test. class average was 76. studies is not as easy as people seem to think.
english- hah. nora's sign. :-) bs-ing through the writing test thing.
spanish- 84 on test. everyone bombed. stupid bitch banerjee won't curve our grades, or give more weight to the quest, or anything. If I get a B in spanish, my mom will kill me.
lunch- went by fast. we didn't really do anything.
debate- did my math homework. have to do another controversy.
now- tons of work to do. have to review a lot for upcoming spanish, bio, elp, and math tests to raise grades before end of quarter. have to do lit work. have to do bio lab. double session of Teen Court. Three and a half hours that I really don't have. oh also, note to self, must plan life and turn in tomorrow.
got everything except for the last elective slot. newspaper's my first choice but it'll be hard to get into it.
My Life:
Humanities
Chemistry
Physics
HL1
Spanish 3
Drama 2
Newspaper/Debate 2?/...something that my mom will probably dictate...
Ugh. Watch me get something like chem, physics, hl, and humanities as one of my days.
Did I mention ugh?
Okay, I'm gonna try real fast here...
Good Things About Today
1) Only three more days until Georgia.
2) It has stopped raining for now.
3) Nora's sign and shirt.
4) I got Oreos in my lunch.
5) I understand the new sections of the math unit.
Fraying all the ends
You are the last one
who can recognize his friends
Nothing ever changes.
You're always exchanging peace of mind for everything
you want everything
you want it all
I can see it in your eyes
I can see right through you
There's nothing to you, you're telling lies
You'll surround yourself with everyone who says what you need to feel alright
Why can't you be strong?
...everyone who speaks the words
that make you perpetually contrived
they say what you want to hear
say what you want to hear
what you want to
why can't you be strong?
~"Fraying All The Ends", Midtown
posted by
Teresa at 3:31 PM
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wMonday, March 17, 2003 |
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~~
--kiss commercial--
Dacula, here I come!
Tomorrow: Teen Court.
Bush is the idiot to end all idiots.
If the hanging chads had swung the right way...
we wouldn't even have to deal with this.
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 9:37 PM
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~!!!!!~
--nothing--
So I'm sitting on the couch, talking to DD on the phone, and eating Chips Ahoy cookies.
I see car headlights come in the driveway, and I figure it's Mom come home.
So I toss the cookies back into the drawer and run upstairs to act like I've been doing homework- still on the phone.
I get safely upstairs, and I hear a knock at the front door, which is very irritating seeing as Mom should DEFINITELY have keys to the house.
AND I'm wearing my summery pajamas, which are DEFINITELY on the skimpy side.
But since I'm home alone, I shouldn't have to care!
So I'm running down the stairs, pissed off, and someone is knocking on the door REALLY, REALLY loudly...so I yell "GET A GRIP!"
There's no irritated answer from a sibling or Mom, so I say, hesitant now, "umm...who is this?"
and I hear, "Domino's..."
I open the door in my skimpy pjs, still holding the phone, and I apologize, take the pizza, and realize I have to pay.
So I close the door in the pizza guy's face and run upstairs, where I grab my purse and empty it out onto the floor. All I see are $1's. So I'm freaking out, because it takes A LOT of $1s to pay for an $11.93 pizza. Thank God, out falls two $5's. I grab the $5's and four ones and run back down the stairs, where i grab the pizzas and cram the money into the guy's hand.
DD's still on the phone.
I put down the pizza.
I hang up with DD.
There is a pizza grease stain on my pajama top.
Parents should definitely learn to WARN their freaking home alone teenage daughters before they order pizza.
Plus I tipped too much.
*siiiiiigh*
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 7:07 PM
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~ Things To Say ~
--printer--
1) I have a really good idea, which is that instead of spending a crapload of time reading a crapload of bs chapters out of the bio book, i'll do the study guides- saves time, helps me focus, and yay.
2) My house is really cold.
3) I really need to think of a way to make money.
4) I hate being stressed out.
5) I was thinking about just not going to camp this year what with the exam schedule conflict, and the money, and all that...so i told my mom, and she's like, "Well, you'll have to talk to Dr. Thomas and your teachers and try and see if you can find something else that will look good for college to do over the summer." So she doesn't want me to go to camp but she wants me to enrich my summer. I don't give a crap what colleges think about my summer. I don't want to talk to Dr. Thomas. It is just irritating. If I give up tip, it's to relax and have fun at home over the summer, not to fill up my summer with bs i won't enjoy. She wants me to find an internship. Let's count all the people who want 14-year-olds as interns...oh that's right. None. Wait! Let's count all the places Teresa would actually bother to try and find an internship...oh that's right. None.
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 4:27 PM
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~Never Even Noticed~
--"Show Me Love", tatu--
today:
2nd- it went by really fast. warm up, listening to purvis drone about plot, etc, the fun little mime skits, and a bit more discussion. we're starting to read aloud from a play called "Sorry, Wrong Number". It's a murder type deal. It looks pretty good.
4th- the sub. HAH. and the boring movie. Ophelia's Revenge, girls, tell your parents :-).
lunch- whatever. nothing of any interest. i had oreos in my lunch :-).
6th- tried to ignore horowitz...chris and laur and i made a funny drawing of her brain.
8th- 87 on the test. ouch, but there is hope- xtra credit proj is assigned wed. yay. i need to study my butt off for the quarterly assessments in bio and elp. i'm starting tonight :-p. procrastination was a lot more fun.
i've got a crapload to do, as anyone who read my index card lol has seen...
off to practice piano, then read chapters 10, 11, and 12 in the bio book, then talk to dd, then read 14 and 15 in the elp book, then do spanish assignment, then study for quiz, then do sg17, then finish the bio lab, then do some of the BLB work...and then relax.
if there's any time at all left. ugh.
This was an accident
Not the kind where sirens sound
Never even noticed
We're suddenly crumbling
Tell me how you've never felt
Delicate or innocent
Do you still have doubts that
Us having faith makes any sense
Tell me nothing ever counts
Lashing out or breaking down
Still somebody loses 'cause
There's no way to turn around...
Random acts of mindlessness
Commonplace occurrences
Chances and surprises
Another state of consciousness...
~~always~-teresa
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 3:14 PM
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wSunday, March 16, 2003 |
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you and i got something but it's all and then it's nothing to me
posted by
Teresa at 8:41 PM
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~~
--"Such A Person", Midtown--
well last night was a blast
Dasha and I went to the mall, and we went into express, and bebe, and guess, and she got some really cute capris but I didn't buy anything, I'm gonna save some money for next weekend...(more about that later)
Then we went home and spent like an hour trying to figure out what to wear, and then i thought I had an outfit that I really liked but Laur got there and I just thought about it for a second and I just changed. I felt so much better in my own clothes and my wet seal shirt and just...happier. more comfortable. :-)
then people started coming and sarah (dunning) and jordan came, it was great to see them again! soo jin didn't come but just about everyone else was there...
it was really fun
we actually didn't do anything organized but we just kinda chilled and talked and goofed off, the couples had fun (awwwwwwwwwwwwwww mike and christine!) lol...the pizza came but we didn't eat much, we danced a lot towards the end, played twister...just a fun night.
everyone was gone by 11 except for the overnighters, and of course, neil...lol...
he left, we went upstairs and talked, it was all good...went to bed around 1:30, shared a twin with laur...a bit cramped, but whatever...:-) yay for happiness
now it's off to study guide 17 and conrad crap
but i am having a great weekend
AND i'm going to nancy's next weekend! i am so. excited.
it's gonna be great
mall of georgia, meeting her friends, seeing her house...
god i miss that girl :-).
ah lyrics
this isn't about you or the life
she's lead through you
just every passing day leaves me wondering
what is really true
expecting to find you sleeping
soundly through and through
sadness comes misplaced
and ends are means
by which to uncover truth
happiness will come
when you are with the one
who can take you to places you never were
but always knew i'm coming for the ride
and you say it's too safe inside
you cannot realize
it's taking time
i'm taking it in stride
i'm sure it's safer inside
you just can't realize
but you're such a person
wake up every morning
every morning with her name in your head
you can survive
but you say i'm not half
what i wish-
i was so much back
then there is no end
and no room for pretend
feeling only this
i cannot fathom it
there's no escape from uncertain fate
there is no excuse
why did this happen to you
can our lives be made up from what's been left in time
you're feeling
time crushing at the spine
and you're tired
and i'm tired
we're so tired
yeah
you're tired inside
you just can't realize what's wrong
or what it's like to be
something on you've come a long way
and i know everything feels gone
will you see this through
or will you say it's through
everything seems so gone to you
-"Such A Person", Midtown
(lol laur- barbie teresa...)
~~always~-teresa
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 12:18 PM
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wSaturday, March 15, 2003 |
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~We Gonna Party ;-D~
--Chad on the piano--
thank god the internet is fixed
anyway i got an 85 on my bio test and my mom had a fit but whatever -
besides that my weekend is going great
yesterday i went home with Laur and we made cookies for Dasha and chris, and listened to music, and ate spaghetti, and it was really fun
then we went to the play. i really liked it, i thought it was very well done.
i cried. it was really moving towards the end.
then we came back here and waited for her dad to come
we had fun
i went to bed at like 10:30 and woke up at 10:30 and i'm still sort of tired but who cares because we're gonna
paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarty!
talked to dd, talked to christie, cleaned my room, getting ready to go...
Go, go, go shawty
It's your birthday
We gon' party like it's yo birthday
We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday
And you know we don't give a fuck
It's not your birthday!
:-)
this song always makes me think of dasha
even if it is her birthday...
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 2:32 PM
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wWednesday, March 12, 2003 |
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~The Irony's Never Really All That Funny~
--the printer at my neighbors--
well just when u thought things couldnt get too much worse
i knew i was in for it tonight what with the bio and elp tests
but my computer crashed and i had to get on glencoe
so im over at the neighbors with their sad and slow printer
waiting for it to get something done so i can go home and grab some american idol before i get down to phone study with hannah at 9:15 and az and chris at 10:00.
where's the silver lining gone?
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 8:16 PM
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wTuesday, March 11, 2003 |
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And I'll be waiting
By the window for
Your smile to come through
And I'll be waiting
In the darkness when
I call out to you
And I'll remember
When you told me
I could trust in you
- "Leap of Faith", Michelle Branch
~~always~-tess
posted by
Teresa at 11:03 PM
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~Someday We'll Know
--"Someday We'll Know", New Radicals--
this is one of my all time favorite songs
and today was really just another day in the life. pretty fun, really.
2nd- we did our monologues. i think i did okay. i kinda screwed up, and changed the parts i meant to cut because i got stuck...but whatever. he usually grades pretty easy. also we got to do a little bit of focus circle which i, of course, loved.
4th- sat and ip. the ip is getting more intimidating every day. ugh.
lunch- fun stuff. talked with fun people. said funny things. also everyone copied my study guide. hah. i owed em.
6th- hwitz yelled at me about something, dont remember, i wasnt really paying attn. passed more notes to elbie and laur and dd. it was fun. the lab was crazy. or do i mean my "threesome" was crazy? who knows. lauren went home early. she was sick. feel better hon. :-(
8th- typical elp. boring notes and an activity. w/e.
afterschool- Y. fun as always. did the usual and had a smoothie at the snack bar. saw chris, lauren (ross)- they were doing phone-a-thon, also saw dave. dad came and brought me home.
i'm screwed on the debate thing.
also i have a huge math test tomorrow and the pressure is absolutely killing me.
the weather's supposed to be nice, high 70-something. god i miss the sun.
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 3:41 PM
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wMonday, March 10, 2003 |
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~Until You Find It There~
--Hi5@9, kiss--
well lauren is kind of sick so she doesn't want to talk, but i am talking to fun people online
i am really nervous about making my 10th grade schedule decisions still
i talked to lila, kathleen, michelle, and mary today about humanities. generally, most everyone seems to recommend it. they say it's more fun but also more work...but the art thing doesn't seem to be a big deal. apparently michelle turned in a totally crappy project a couple of weeks ago but got an 'A' on it just because it was an intelligent, original idea.
which is pretty good news.
oh who knows.
i went outside to do my study guide, it looked so bright and pretty.
i wish i were little so i could go to school and color pictures of flowers and suns and come home and eat spaghettios and play outside, hopscotch and picking flowers for mom...
remember how simple it all was?
how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
now that i know what i'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 9:24 PM
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~All I've Got~
i'm not speaking to my mom and she's not speaking to me.
i think spring is here because the sun is shining
and there's flowerbuds on the trees
and i saw some bees around some flowers out by SC
i love the sun
one 60 is not the end of the world
i'm doing the best i can
everybody
don't you see
i'm trying here
spring is coming
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 4:44 PM
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~Proof That You're Not Listening~
--"Great Indoors", John Mayer--
well, if you look back on it, today was just a sucky day
i got a 60 on my math quiz, my coffee got cold before i finished it, i left my IP contract at home and had to beg dad to bring it to me, the cafeteria vending machines ate my money, i really don't think i did well on the spanish test, i am not feelin too hot, and debate was just kinda ick.
and my mom just chewed me out for the 60.
i know good grades are important.
doesn't she think I know that?
when you hear something enough when it surrounds you everywhere you look eventually you start believing it
this isn't good enough this isn't good enough this isn't good enough
the phone is ringing. I know it's her and I think I'll just ignore it.
BUT. if i get myself into a bad mood, i will spend all afternoon feeling like crap.
if you look at everything cross-eyed and upside down...i actually had a great day.
AND here is a list of why. (it's the little things that mean the most. i hope. because otherwise, i'm screwed.)
Reasons Why It Actually Was A Good Idea To Get Up This Morning
1 I didn't get in a fight with Chad this morning.
2 The sun was up before I got to school.
3 Josh is "content with his life". (That's what he wants me to say...)
4 Mrs. Anliker was particularly funny today.
5 I wore my strawberry earrings.
6 I've almost totally made up my mind and decided to take Humanities.
7 I understand limits and the math review sheet.
8 I had a funny conversation with some people at lunch.
9 If someone will teach me how, I can put a fun counter on my blog.
10 I don't have too much homework.
11 When I got home and put John Mayer on shuffle, Your Body Is A Wonderland came on. And it was just what I needed to hear.
12 I am at home, in my comfy cutoffs and my Barringer sweatshirt, and I can just sit and do nothing but listen to my music and relax.
My cup is half full.
I wonder if I'll get in trouble for letting the phone just ring.
and ring.
and ring.
that's just what i wanted.
Check your pulse,
it's proof that you're not listening to
the call your life's been issuing you-
the rhythm of a line of idle days.
Scared of a world outside
You should go explore
Pull all the shades and wander the great indoors...
the great indoors.
Lamplight makes the shadows play
Posters take the walls away
The TV is a windowpane
the view won't let you down.
So put your faith in a late night show.
I bet you didn't even know,
depends on how far out you go,
the channel numbers change...
Though lately, I can't blame you.
I have seen this world and sometimes wish your room had room for two.
So go unlock the door.
And find what you are here for.
~"Great Indoors", John Mayer
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 3:55 PM
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wSunday, March 09, 2003 |
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~So No One Told You~
~"I'll Be There", The Rembrandts~
Today has been a tiring but great day.
Last night, I talked to Nancy and then Dasha and then Lauren.
I really miss Dasha, every time I spend some time with her I realize just how much. and i'm SO excited for next weekend. It's gonna be great, I know it.
Lauren and I talked for a while, we called Ian for a second, then we chatted about spring and shopping and life in general...
and we came up with a great plot to make my mom give me spring shopping money, and it worked (did someone say $100 richer? yes!).
so we figured out our plans for this afternoon, and it's all good.
this morning I slept till 10:30, then talked to Lauren, then played the piano and got ready to go.
my dad said we would leave at "12 sharp", but, of course, because he's my dad...at 12:10 he started trying to figure out how to get to lauren's house.
where he has been like a billion times.(Men. sigh.) ;-)
so we finally made it to the mall, and we went to wet seal where i got a cute top, and then to claire's and aeropostale and 579 and american eagle and we just browsed the mall in general. i also got some jewelry. and we got m&m double doozies (yum!) and i got a cheesecake brownie and a lemonade. then we saw dave and his girlfriend, and then we just walked around.
it was really fun and we had a good time.
and it made me think about the fact that my friends are really great
because sometimes we just sit and talk and laugh and just be- and its still awesome
and that is why i know i'm supposed to love it all
So no one told you life was gonna be this way
your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A
feels like you're always stuck in second gear
when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year...
I'll be there for you (when the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you (like I been there before)
I'll be there for you ('cause you're there for me too)...
it makes me think of that night at starbucks (buzz, buzz...) and how we all sat there and talked and for just a little bit, everything was just perfect...
~~always~-teresa
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 9:45 PM
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okay. stupid blogger should have posted this last night at like 7, 8...but, as i've said, my computer hates me.
~Touch The Sun~
--"Falling Down", Avril Lavigne (sweet home alabama!)--
well.
Yesterday was just a normal school day.
drama- we performed our monologues. i was nervous. i tried though.
ff- went to the LIBARY and fooled around emailing each other pointless articles. thanks to joanne, i had 28 new messages when i got home :-).
bio- typical bs. lots of note-passing. only i got kicked out at the end of class. chris made a face, dd called my name, i laughed, i got kicked out. NOW horowitz is making a lot of sense...
elp- we talked about humanities and then we took some notes and then we were going to play trashketball but somehow we didn't. ah well.
after school- i hung out with priya and hiral. then my mom came. turns out the attendance office has me down as absent on Tuesday. Which i definitely wasn't. sigh, now i have to get some paper signed by all my teachers saying i was in class. WHICH i was.
then i went home, packed my overnight bag, and went to dd's. we listened to music and hung out, and then we ran to St. Gabe's, and then we sat on the swings, and then we sprinted on the soccer field, and then we ran back home. it was fun and we felt a lot better about eating lots of cookies and chocolate afterwards. :-D it's the little things.
then we went to Ruby Tuesday's. It was really yummy. I'd never been, pathetic as it sounds, but we had a turkey blt and a super sampler platter and we split them both. it was reallly good. especially the turkey blt.
then we went to walmart with dd's mom. we decided to bargain hunt. it was full of funniness. i bought some earrings and rings and socks and some other stuff for like $15, and then this morning i sold the stuff i didnt like to my sister so it only cost me like $10, which is good because i might go shopping with nancy and/or dasha soon.
then me and dd came back home, and we did nothing for like an hour, and then we talked to some people online
then we ate oodles of noodles (a t&d tradition! YEAH!) and watched whatever it takes...but we fell asleep halfway through. at like 3 we got up and went upstairs and went back to sleep. then her alarm went off really loud at like 5:30 and i had to turn it off. we slept till 10:30 and then her dad woke us up and i had to get ready to go.
then i came home and cleaned my room and talked to arun and took a shower. and then i was a very good swiss-cheesing-IB-ish girl and i met dd at the library and we did some IP research.
so life is pretty good...and now i'm making $20 sitting for my parents (for some reason...they're paying me...? i'm not asking!) and i'm going to call nancy and then laur, dash, deeds...whoever
and then i'll read and eat some icecream and try not to think about all the fat i've had in the past two days
ah well.
tomorrow will be another day of wonderful life.
ah the positivity
If fear's what makes us decide,
Our future journey,
I'm not along for the ride,
Cuz I'm still yearning,
To try and touch the sun,
My fingers burning,
Before you're old you are young,
Yeah I'm still learning
I am falling down,
Try and stop me,
It feels so good to hit the ground,
You can watch me,
Fallin on my face,
It's an uphill human race,
and I am falling down
I'm standing out in the street,
The earth is moving,
I feel it under my feet,
And I'm still proving,
That I can stand my ground,
And my feet are there, haven't washed my hair
To be lost before you are found,
Doesn't mean you are losing
~"Falling Down", avril lavigne
~~always~-teresa
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 6:53 PM
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wSaturday, March 08, 2003 |
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okay. i will tell you all about my funness yesterday and at DD's later. but right now i have a sad, pathetic story to tell.
so my sister and i are at home together, and we have nothing to do, and she's being really sweet and i'm remembering how i manage to survive sharing a freaking room with her, and how cute she is, and how much fun.
so we're just kinda talking trying to figure out something to do for the next two hours, and i say...well, we could just, ya know, talk...and she says"...OH! let's watch TV!!!!!...."
it's good to feel loved.
hah.
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 11:31 AM
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wThursday, March 06, 2003 |
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well i was planning to go to bed really early tonight
but somehow it is 10:15 and i am still up and i have to get my IP stuff together and print out some bs on conrad and work a little more on my drama monologue
i don't even want to think anymore
i wish i had no feelings
think of the bliss of being just absolutely
numb
to everything
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 10:19 PM
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wWednesday, March 05, 2003 |
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~~
--American Idol on the TV in the background--
MY DAY
drama- fun. we did nothing.
ff- sad. morbid. then mrs B talked for like 45 minutes and gave us absolutely NO help as to what to choose
i am stuck between so many things.
bio- who gives. seriously.
elp- substitute. i finished my math homework
now i should SO be doing homework. i have to study for my math quiz, finish my SAT cards, fill out this TIP form about the type of roommate i'd like, study pgs 124 and 127 for my spanish quiz, and figure out if i'm going to the Y or not tomorrow. So.
i am really hating life right this instant
i mean i know it is beautiful but still
also my mom went to ron thomas to ask him about my schedule for next year
WITHOUT asking me first...
and he doesn't think i should switch into methods, or do humanities.
but i want to do both.
i am pissed off
and i want to make my own decisions
even if they're the wrong ones
i'm being really stubborn
at least i admit it
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 4:13 PM
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wTuesday, March 04, 2003 |
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~~
--"Feelin' The Same Way", Norah Jones--
wake up every morning
before the rays of light
hit my skin
dizziness
in the dark
and then a quick rush
tremors of anticipation
flip a switch or
pull a cord
always trying to control the things
you shouldn't - see the
lightbulb's casting
shadows on my bedroom floor but still
can't see through the thickness
of my own
confusion
feet don't touch the floor
walking over nothing
worth anything
stumble down the hall
hiding from the mirror
till I've hidden
myself
beneath someone I barely know
coat it on real dark and thick
and shadow over all the pain
and then you say
you live the truth
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 10:29 PM
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this is from about 3 hours ago, just so you know...
~Walking On The Bridge~
--"Me", Paula Cole--
Today.
Woke up early, got to school in time to talk with people on SC for a quick second, then I had to figure out my stupid math homework...it's giving me a lot of problems...
so arun explained it to me. yes, i know, laur. and then i went to math, which was an easy period, i got to sit in a different place with the people in that class who are actually my friends...:-) and we did a worksheet and took some notes and took a quiz~ i think i got a 100. i hope i got 100. cuz then my avg would be back up to an A and my parents might decide to be sweet.
english was fun. demos, we got icecream from megan's, and lauren (bollinger) did this really cool lighty-lamp thing, and max did sign language, and josh did tying the...something. I don't remember. :-\
spanish was typical crap. we just sat there and watched the clock.
lunch was really fun today. listened to john mayer, talked with laur and jill and people...good stuff.
debate was...w/e. i just sat there and tried to figure out my math hwk the whole time. i figure, if i've got a free period, i might as well do something with it. i didn't really feel like talking. i'm so tired.
i hung out with jill and then az for a little while after school...then rode home with carpool girl and listened to her and her best friend talk about some guy she's freaking obsessed with...
it was just another day.
Pretty good overall though.
So now I'm off to take a shower and then call Laur and then go to Teen Court...god i'm tired.
Tomorrow i stop cussing for forty days. And, possibly, permanently. If I can manage it.
Therefore, i might as well use a few of my personal faves before i give it up...hah...fuck. shit. hell. damn. bitch. yeah. so anyway....
life is life
and it's me who's too weak...
to ask for the thing i love
that i love ...
i am walking on the bridge
i am over the water
and i'm scared as hell
but i know there's something better...
yes i know there's something...
~"Me", Paula Cole
~~always~-tess
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 8:00 PM
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wMonday, March 03, 2003 |
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~With Or Without You~
--just some Avril to de-stress--
today was simply a day
drama- too much writing. ack. but doing the memorization techniques was fun
ff- inquiry papers. IPs. anliker is SO funny~ i swear, she is the greatest teacher. i mean i hate her some days and she makes no sense but she's hilarious, laughing at her more than with her...i picked joseph conrad. so now i just have to figure out who he is...
bio- typical bullshit. don't even remember what we did in there, except for the note-passing. that was funny :-). hah.
elp- played blackjack, took notes...it was a really LONG class
actually got a ride home at 2:15 today, good stuff
going to get my IP supplies in a lil bit
ugh.
things i have to do today: figure out who joseph conrad is, do my math homework, get IP supplies, grammar pages, study for the spanish quiz. if i can just figure out what page it's on.
moving on...
~~~~~
Today, I was thinking. And you know, a while back, Laura told me she thought I would never be able to NOT care about what other people thought about me.
But I think I'm getting there.
Because I'm trying to be me, and I'm doing the best I can, and I've got the people I love, and they're the only people whose opinions really matter.
And I see these people who don't like me, or who I don't like, and I let myself get worried over it...
Who. Gives.
Not me.
Not anymore.
It's not even worth it.
~~~~~
Things are trying to settle down
Just try to figure out
Exactly what I'm about
If its with or without you
I don't need you doubting me
~"Nobody's Fool", Avril Lavigne
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 4:03 PM
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wSunday, March 02, 2003 |
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~With Your Own Eyes~
--"3x5", John Mayer--
I've had a pretty good day.
I hate getting a split response on a quiz. It could be either of these.
Whaddya think?
Congrats. You are Wind.
What is your Element of Influence?
brought to you by Quizilla
or
Congrats. You are Electricity.
What is your Element of Influence?
brought to you by Quizilla
or maybe i'm just a mix between them.
mixed up person who can never figure herself out
It is so hard to look at yourself objectively.
Maybe that's everyone's problem.
Guess you had to be there
Guess you had to be with me
Today I finally overcame
tryin' to fit the world inside a picture frame
Maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to
lose my way but let me say
You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
no more 3x5's
just no more 3x5's
~"3x5", John Mayer
~~always~-tess
posted by
Teresa at 7:13 PM
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wSaturday, March 01, 2003 |
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~I Want To Walk With You~
--"Come Away With Me", Norah Jones--
So I just finished watching the rerun of the season finale of The Bachelorette, and I KNOW that you think I am making myself into just another idle-minded technology-obsessed stereotypical teenage girl by being so obsessed with it, and I KNOW that you think it is manufactured and planned out beforehand, and fake, and stupid...
but I started to tear up again, watching Ryan and Trista at the final proposal. The way they look at each other and the way she says "I'm in love with you" and he says "I love you with every part of myself", and he drops down on one knee, and opens the box, and she cries and they hug and kiss and...everything...
and I KNOW I'm a hopelessly sappily idealistic romantic
but it's SO sweet
and SO genuine
and it makes you wonder- we're so young, and I, for one, have never had anything near that...
and will I?
Ever?
and what is a life without love? and is it a life that is still worth living? and is it a life that one can still be happy with?
I was talking with a close friend the other night at Sangeeta's party, and we were watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and they're kissing on the bridge, and she turns to me and says "I don't think I'm ever gonna have that."
What is love?
I have no doubt that when I find it, I will know, but sometimes I worry I'll never find it. Or worse, that I will find it, but I won't be able to let myself go and just...fall into love...because I'm such an analyzing person and I set such unreachable goals...
I believe in love at first sight, and falling in love, and perfect proposals, and white wedding dresses, and getting married, and having kids, and grandkids, and all of it...the white picket fence, and the 2.5 kids, and all of that...
but I also have my OWN dreams, you know, the corporate defense attorney or the politician or maybe just the solitary writer...
Sometimes I wonder if I can balance it all.
Sometimes I wonder if I can find it.
What is love?
...and I want to walk with you
on a cloudy day
where the yellow grass grows knee-high
so won't you try to come
come away with me and we'll kiss
on a mountaintop
come away with me
and i'll never stop loving you...
- "Come Away With Me", Norah Jones
~~always~-teresa
posted by
Teresa at 10:27 PM
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~"Give It Hell To The End"~
--"Till We Run Out Of Road", Jewel--
Today was an amazing day.
Ups and downs, yes, but...wow.
So I had to wake up SO early for sci-oly, and it sucked...but as soon as we got there, things started getting exciting. Deeds and I were in there, just chatting, and then we discovered that the Varsity fossil team guy had gotten sick. So...the girl who was in JV fossils, Than, had to move up to varsity. Which leads to a long story about how other people had to switch all these different teams and places and events to make up for this kid not being there. But the point is, I was supposed to just sit around and be a manager. BUT I ended up on the JV fossils team with Michael.
so i studied the fossils really hard for the two hrs before the actual event, and then we went in, and we were nervous, and we knew a lot of answers but we also had to guess a lot, and the time cut us off a lot. So we didn't think we would do all that well. but we got 1st! I was like in SHOCK! it was great. :-D and dd got 2nd place varsity fossils! so we were both really happy
and we really bonded today. it was fantabulistic. we studied together, and did our event, and then we went and visited ms barrett!, and then we ran like a mile around the jcsu campus, and then we played cards...
i just had a really fun day.
yet somehow, i feel totally unsatisfied. even though i couldn't've asked for anything to go better. I still feel...half empty. :-\
we kept listening to this song today. it doesn't make much sense, but to me it really describes the whole hs life, and everything...i don't know.
...Says he misses it bad
Those were the best times we ever had
He said, "Give it hell till the end
'Cause once you quit you can't get it back again"...
"Till We Run Out Of Road", Jewel
~~Always~-*Teresa*
;-D
posted by
Teresa at 7:28 PM
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